i’m
guilty
that
i
the guilty one
lied
though it
didn’t matter
to anyone but me
i’m
guilty
that
i
privileged
complained
whiny
even though i
informed
know my problems are little
insignificant
and that i
lucky
have it easier
i’m
guilty
that
when
she got sick
in pain
and everyone else
was scared
for her
and everyone else
cried
for her
i
self-absorbed
didn’t cry for her
and instead
worried
as
it
always is
about mostly myself
when i
really
should have been worrying about her
i’m
guilty
that
i
trying
may have made things worse
when he said he
himself
hated himself
worthless
and wanted to die
to leave
everything i
told him
he seemed to turn
twist
into more self loathing
i told my mom
fearful
and my mom told his
and though i
still
know i should have
obviously
i feel like i
cruel
snitched
like
i accidentally
made it harder
i’m
guilty
that
i
perfectly ok
told her
tortured
i understood what she
helpless
was feeling
“depression”
when i
undepressed
didn’t
actually
and that i didn’t realize
then
i couldn’t help her hurting
on my own
alone
when i saw the cuts
records
on her arms i felt sick
repulsed
scared
and didn’t want to see
the reminders
anymore
they told me i
innocent
could keep my distance
space
that it
she
wasn’t my responsibility
wasn’t my job
but
she told me
tether
i
cord
was her best friend
rope
and that she
clinging
could trust me
bond
with anything
with everything
but i
fraying
didn’t know what to do
what to say
one night she called me
desperate
but my phone
it was off
and the slits
wounds
on her wrists
could have bled out
completely
from the kitchen counter
and
onto the floor
and
she
could
have
died
right
then
and
there
all alone
she wanted my help
my rescue
but i missed
her call
i just wanted her pain
to go away
or
at least
that
i
didn’t have to be
the
only
singular
one
to carry
stumbling
it
heavy
but it
crushing
wasn’t her fault
she
suspended
suffered far worse
than i
seperated
did
and she needed
wanted
help
me
i
was a bad friend
not selfless enough
but
selfish
greedy
because i
didn’t like
how when she
brave
talked about her hurt
burden
it hurt
overpowered
me
and made me scared
disconsolate
and fear
sadness
guilt
turn to irritation
annoyance
anger
i’m
guilty
that
i
logical
know
understand
that you
anyone
can’t love sick away
especially alone
whether it be
of the lungs
the
heart
the
head
etc
but i
foolish
still try
fruitless
because i
delusional
just want to fix
broken things
and it
everything
always ends in failure
worse
i’m
guilty
that
i
actually
never knew or understood
and
that
i
never will
know
understand
and i’m
spinning
guilty that i’m guilty
sick
about things i
once
said
did
didn’t do
though at the time
i
young
didn’t know any better